Sunday, March 23, 2014


I ran 2.5 miles this morning.  No great shakes, and in the past I'd scoff at running such a short distance, but today's run was my first run in my fourth week of running since hurting my back in February.  So, 2.5 miles is big stinking deal to me right now.  Every run I'm feeling a little bit stronger, which only tells me out of shape I was running-wise a month ago.  I really haven't run steadily in such a long time.  Yet, it's the best exercise I've found for getting into shape.  (Started running with my heart monitor.  My heart rate averages 155 bpm, which is way higher than the 125 bpm I average when cycling.)  And today, I didn't want the run to end.  I was feeling it -- got into a groove, and just wanted to keep on running.  Every single one of my prior attempts at running steadily in life have ended due to injury, usually overuse.  I hope that doesn't happen this time.  I really don't.  I'm trying to be so careful, stretching and doing core strengthening exercises like crazy.  I just want to get to the point where I can put on the shoes, plug in the earbuds and just run until I feel like I don't want to run anymore, no matter how long that is.  I wanna be Forrest Gump.

A photo from my run.

Saturday, March 22, 2014


Just got done reading the biographies of the folks who will be featured in the 2015 Colondar and who I'll be meeting at the upcoming photo shoot in June.  The folks at The Colon Club did a good job with this bunch.  These models' stories are as inspirational and moving as any other year's models.  Their stories are important reminders about life -- how fragile it is, what to cherish in it and how to live it.  Timely reminders for me given what I've gone through the past few months.

I had planned to spend the rest of the day catching up on work as my work plate overfloweth, but after reading all of those stories the LAST thing I want to do is hunker down and read through a bunch of patent applications.  Especially when it's such a beautiful spring day.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Bittersweet symphony

I've hit a bit of turbulence the past few weeks (months, actually) in my life and I think things are finally settling down a bit.  Work-wise, the new job responsibilities I was given at the start of the year got a bit overwhelming at times.  I was totally thrown into the deep end.  Learn as you go.  Sink or swim.  Plenty of self-doubt about my abilities and whether I even wanted to do this, but I think I've righted the ship.  Still, some challenging times ahead.  And yes, still better than private practice.

On the personal side of life, it looks like my most recent attempt at a romantic relationship has run its course.  I'm bummed.  I'm sad, really.  I really gave this one a shot.  I met a woman, dug her chili (big time), had high hopes, and despite my best attempts, it's not there.  I know this happens, but when it's the same outcome over and over and over, you start blaming yourself and beating yourself up, which isn't a terribly productive exercise, and it makes you more and more reluctant to throw your hat in the ring again.

On top of it all, I threw out my back in a big way in early February and have been slowly regaining the ability to exercise again.

Anyways, with work and personal stressors abating, I feel I've regained some control of my life.  When things were getting rough, I just wanted to quit.  Everything.  Give up on the job, the relationship, Portland.  Everything.  Just cash in my chips, let loose the moorings, and go.  Travel.  Explore.  See the world and have some adventures.  Consequences be damned.  The easy way out. 

But now, I'm motivated to meet these challenges head on.  I've already mentioned how things are getting better at work.  I really think I can pull it off.  Once I get everything set up, I'll be able to run my own show the way I want to run it.  It could be a very good gig.

Physically, I put on even more weight the past few moths.  Ugh.  I feel like a fat slob.  Exercise and good eating habits are always the first two things to go for me when things get busy and stressful.  It's amazing I let this happen, considering I was dating one of the fittest and health conscious people I have ever met.  But I did. The back has healed up a bit and I've been biking and running again.  I've cleaned up some of my bad eating habits and am motivated to get back into some semblance of shape over the remainder of the year.

And mentally, I've decided to start seeing a therapist again.  First appointment is next Monday.  I'm so tired of relationships not working out.  To me, it's clearly a "Doug" thing ("it's not you it's me" truly applies to me) and hopefully a therapist can help me out.  They've been helpful in the past.

So, I have my challenges laid out before me.  Work.  Physical.  Personal.  And none of these are small challenges.  They're each going to take a lot of work and commitment on my part to come out ahead.

I came across this NYT article last week about Stuart Scott, the ESPN anchor who continues to battle cancer and is fighting the good fightt:  It's a good read and contained this powerful and chilling photo.

I've been thinking a lot about that slogan on his t-shirt -- EVERYDAY I FIGHT.  I'm no longer fighting cancer, but I still need to fight everyday to regain my physical health, to stay balanced, to work out some personal issues that are holding me back, to put things in place in my life that will allow me to live the remainder of my life the way I want to live it.  And it is a fight.  That's how I have to view it.  A fight.

Everyday I fight. 
Every. Single. Day.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Other People Matter

I said in my last post I could write at length about each of the bits of life advice I've been contemplating of late, "other people matter" being one of them.  I just Googled it.  Plenty's already been written.


Threw out my back (for the umpteeth time -- old college injury) in a big way about a month ago.  It was terribly painful and I've been working on recovery.  Lots of stretching.  Lots of core exercising.  Lots of all the things that people are supposed to do before exercising that I used to laugh at when I was in my 20s.  Got back to running just this week and things are holding up.  18 mins on Sunday.  19 minutes on Tuesday.  20 minutes tonight.  Feels like I'm running six minute miles when I'm going, I'm working so hard, but when I look at my smartphone, I'm lucky if I'm running 10 minute miles.  Gotta start somewhere.  It's been awhile since I've ran regularly.  One step at a time.  Patience.