Scan Results

All Clear!

I tell ya, I thought I was pretty cool about the scans this time around, only felt that I had a little bit of anxiety a day or two before hand, but after hearing the news from the doctor, a big wave of relief went over me.  I was surprised -- didn't realize how anxious I was about it.

Walking out of the hospital, I was pretty pleased with everything, so I celebrated with a couple of cookies at the hospital cafeteria. :)

The doctor did say that there's some "scoleosis" thing, or some scarring, showing up on one of my vertebrae that's likely due to radiation.  That didn't sound too good to me, but he assured me that it's nothing to worry about.  We also talked about the fact that I can't go a night without being woken up by the urge to go pee.  I brought this up with my surgeon and he said it was likely due to radiation damage.  My med onc said the same thing -- there could be some scar tissue there that causes the urge to "go" to occur earlier than usual.  I know that guys can have this problem as they get older, but this is a pretty clear before treatment and after treatment difference.  So, another apparent permanent side effect that I can cough up to cancer treatment.  Fun.  He suggested a visit to my urologist to make sure there's nothing else going on, and I said I'd go, and I will, but right now, I need a break from doctor appointments.  Kinda doctored out at the moment.

In any event, I've passed the half-way point in my five-year cancer monitoring plan.  Three scans and one colonoscopy down, two scans and one colonoscopy to go!  Starting to afford myself the luxury of what to do to celebrate for hitting the five year anniversary mark.  I know what I'd like to do -- Hike the Pacific Coast Trail, but I need five months off for that.  Can't do that with my current job.  But heck, maybe I take "leave of absence" from the working world.

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Went skate skiing today.  Well, kinda.  Attended a skate ski clinic run by a dude who was on the World Cup circuit.  He's awesome.  I was really looking forward to it as I had a really good weekend of skate skiing last weekend, and thought I had made some real progress, but all the clinic did was get me really frustrated at how far I have to go before I get halfway decent at this skate ski thing.  There's certainly easier ways to have outside winter fun that don't involve the time and resources that taking up skate skiing involves, and man ... I was ready to sell my gear by the end of the clinic.

Not helping matters was the fact that I snapped one of my poles in two when I shut the hatchback on my SUV.  The pole slid out of the back just as I was slamming the hatchback closed.  I saw the pole slide out after I was well into bring the door down.  I couldn't stop it ... just wanted it happen in slow motion.  CRUNCH!  Dammit ... Now I'm pole shopping tomorrow.

And then, the Packers get creamed by San Francisco. But, broken ski pole, crappy day on the mountain, Packers loss ... small taters to my health. 

Scanxiety - Three Years Out

Had my Year Three scans today - both CT scans and MRI scans.  I've only had CT scans in the past, and this time I pressed my med onc to replace the CT scan with an MRI scan since a CT scan is equivalent to something like a couple thousand X-rays.  So, he ordered both.  Argh.  Not sure how the helped my cumulative radiation concerns.  I definitely like the actually taking of the CT scan more than the MRI scan.  A CT scan is done and over in about five minutes, but I was in the MRI tube for over an hour.  The MRI tube is very tight (not good if you're claustrophic - I can easily think of some people who would not even fit in the MRI machine - and is very, very noisy).

I find out the results on Friday.  Wish me luck.

Being three years out now (I was diagnosed in Jan. 2010), I was pretty calm leading up to this.  All of my scans and blood tests have come back good since finishing treatment -- I'm a "NED" head -- and I like where things are headed. 

Still, I get a little deja vu and nerves when I walk into the cancer center, check in at diagnostic imaging, get the IV tube put in, and lay down on the table.  All the little things (the smell of the saline they inject to your IV, ordering the food at the basement cafeteria) always takes me back to when I was undergoing treatment.  It's a very stark reminder that a very short time ago I had a very serious disease, and that as good as I've felt of late, I need to stay vigilant.  I've already know of more people than I would like who have had a "NED" run of several years after finishing treatment, only to have cancer rear its ugly head again.  Even after five or ten-plus years of being cancer free.

But, I still feel pretty good about things.  Which can't hurt.  And, I'm getting out there and doing "Doug stuff".  Like skate skiing (see below).  I'm slowly, very slowly, getting the hang of it.

I'll let you know about the results on Friday.

Happy Holidays / End of Year Mega Post

Happy Holidays!

Just got back from a quick holiday weekend getaway to Denver to visit some friends from my college days and from my years in Austin.  Good times.  Relaxing.  No real agenda other than Eat, Drink and Be Merry.  Denver's a great place that I've been visiting for 10-15 years and is on the short list of places in the country where I'd live.

Usually, I fly home to Wisconsin to spend the holidays with family.  I have a pretty good track record of getting home.  I think this is only the second year I haven't made it back since I left for college.  I was able to make it back twice earlier this year for family visits, so I decided to catch up on other travel and take advantage of some winter Pacific Northwest offerings. 

I don't have any Christmas Eve or Christmas Day plans, which is good because I need a little break between trips.  On Wednesday, I'm heading up to Winthrop, WA with a few friends for a few days of skate skiing.  Winthrop is a little town (pop. 200) nestled in the Methow Valley in Northeast Washington, on the dry side of the Northern Cascades.  The valley has 120 miles of groomed cross country ski trails, one of the biggest nordic ski areas in the country.  It's going to be an anti-resort ski get away and should be a lot of fun. 

 

Winthrop

 

Skate skiing (which I'm still trying to learn) in the Methow Valley

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This will likely be my last post for 2012.  This is my second year after completing treatment in Dec. 2010 and it looks like I've written about 30 posts this year, up a little from about two dozen posts in 2011.  It's been interesting seeing how this blog has evolved.  I don't think it's surprising that I still have things to say about cancer even after two years out, but it's been interesting in seeing what exactly it is I have to say.  I think everyone who goes through this has something different to share because everyone's journey is different.

I think if you're fortunate enough to regain your health, as more time passes, you're more likely to return to who you were, warts and all.  For all the "cancer changed my life stories", I'm finding that my life is turning more and more to the way it was before my diagnosis.  (Even though there *are* things that have definitely changed because of cancer ... I've touched on them repeatedly before.)  I say this because I'm finding I'm having to deal with some of the personal struggles that I was having to deal with before I had cancer.  2011 was my "comeback" year and I did a lot of cool physical things, but this year has been my 'back to reality" year.  In some ways, there's a simplicity to life when you're battle cancer.  All you want to do is survive.  Anything not having to do with battling cancer is secondary.

And, in a way, I miss that.

Obviously, I don't miss having cancer or going through treatment.  But, I miss the simplicity of life during the battle.   There have been times over the past few months when I've tried to recapture that simplicity, if just for a few hours in the evening.  When I was going through treatment, one thing I would do for some emotional/mental/physical relief was to turn off of the lights, light a bunch of candles, and listen to some guided imagery CDs (some for chemotherapy, some for radiation, some for just general relaxation).  That always put me in a good place.  I would feel the stress that I didn't even know I had been carrying around just melt away ... and it felt great.  So, I've been doing that a little bit lately to try and recapture that feeling.  It's been helpful, and I've been thinking more and more about living simply as a way to reduce some of the stress of everyday "life-after-cancer" living.

Don't get me wrong.  In many aspects, 2012 has been a very good year.  First and foremost, the cancer hasn't come back.  I only had blood tests this year, but they all say "NED" - No Evidence of Disease.  And, all of the other health scares I had this year turned out to be nothing terrible to worry about.  Second, I had an amazing experience in New York at the Colondar photo shoot.  I met some amazing people and am looking forward to doing what I can to help raise awareness in the future.  Third, I traded my law firm associate position, which was unsustainable, for an in-house patent attorney job, which I can easily see myself staying with until I retire.  Fourth,  I had some time to do some serious hiking and backpacking.  I finally got to Yosemite, if only for a day, spent a week in Sequoia National Park, and finally returned to one of my sanctuaries, Olympic National Park, after being away for over four years.

But, this year hasn't been without its challenges.  My job really weighed on me the first half of the year, which kept me down until I was able to find a promising job, and I had a few injuries that kept me from doing a few things for which I'd been training.  Dating has really sucked too.  I could write a book on dating post-cancer, but to make a long story short, I've been dating a lot this year and have recognized some destructive behavioral patterns that I want to correct and plan to get some professional help to do so.  Cancer has a little to do with it, but that's just one layer of sediment added to many layers that have built up over the years, and I need to do some dredging.  So, I've taken myself out of circulation.

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Some things I hope to be thinking of more in the New Year:

* There's no need to be productive with every second of every day.  Be a little less Type A.  Say "No" to people more often.  Don't over extend yourself.  Stop and smell the roses.  Simplify.

* Spend less time on-line.  I'm taking a hiatus from Facebook and haven't missed it.  I'm also planning on cutting the number of news sites I follow in half.  I want to make more time for maintaining the relationships I have with my good friends.  I'm also thinking of making a few weekday evenings or a weekend day "digital free" times.  I literally have 30+ books sitting on my bookshelves that I haven't read that I would like to get too.

* Exercise for enjoyment's and health's sake, not because you're training for a goal.  Too often I'll forego doing something I'd really like to do because I'm training for something else.  I don't hike, backpacking, snowshoe, scramble or do the things that really get me out into the wilderness nearly as often as I used to or I would like.  I played basketball for the first time in years last Monday, and it was great fun, even though I sucked.  And it's been even longer since I played volleyball, which I used to absolutely love. 

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Have a Safe, Healthy and Happy New Year, everyone.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite You Tube videos of the year ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbJcQYVtZMo

EOT Anniversary

Today's my two year anniversary of finishing up chemo treatment.  I'm terribly thankful that the treatment knocked out the cancer that I did have in me and that it seems to have beaten it back far enough that it hasn't come back.  NO way I want to do that again.  Just thinking of how I felt during post-op chemo makes me feel weak.

Eager to have my scans, so I can have a clean bill of health for 2013.  I'd do it now too if I hadn't just picked up a new insurance plans and had my contributions to co-insurance and deductibles reset to zero.

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Passed through the cancer center yesterday after my meeting with the surgeon.  Took this picture at the patient resource center.  Despairing and inspiring at the same time.  So many cancers, but so many people willing to fight it and give 'er hell.

Melancholy

Feeling melancholy -- learned that some good friends of mine suffered a terribly sad loss.  In sharing the news, they eloquently shared their fresh appreciation of how fragile and precious life is, and their plan to honor someone who passed away by living and loving with purpose and meaning.  I wanted to pass their message along.

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In lighter news, further bummed due to learning that a good friend of mine will be moving away from Portland.

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Saw my surgeon today.  Regularly-scheduled six month check up.  My butt continues to look awesome! Scans coming up in January, after the new insurance plan kicks in.

Magical veggies

I may have mentioned this before, but with a stoma, one becomes more attuned to the effects the eating certain foods has on on'es digestive tract.  Namely, you learn quickly which foods cause gas, if you didn't know this before.  Today's epiphany ... brussel sprouts!  Good lord ...

Sad News

Really sad news. 

Sheri Jahner, the author of what I thought was the best colorectal cancer blog going, passed away this week.  She'd been battling rectal cancer mets to her lung for awhile, and in the past few weeks it just spread wildly.  It's really heartbreaking because I had been following her blog since I was diagnosed (almost three years now) as she and I had a similar diagnosis (Stage III rectal) and had a similar treatment plan.  She even had the same surgery that I did that left her with a permanent colomostomy.  I followed her blog so closely as it was nice to have someone just a few months ahead of me on the same treatment path.

She had a tough go of it after her surgery.  Her surgical wound never ever really healed up, and then had the recurrence which she wasn't able to overcome.

Sheri's blog was informative, inspirational and witty. That she had a gift for writing was evident by the fact that her blog has over 165,000 hits and had a world-wide following. I told everyone I knew who was going through cancer about her blog.
Even though I only knew her through her blog. Her passing is tough news to hear and I'm going to miss her. It saddens me to know that a wonderful voice in the cancer community has been silenced.  At 35 (just 35!!!)she died too young.  My heart goes out to her family, especially to her husband and her two kids.

I've shared her blog before, but here it is again.

http://imsorryforcursing.blogspot.com/

Wonderful ...

I'm in San Jose on a business trip and housekeeping apparently decided a good portion of my stoma supplies were trash.  Great.  Now I have to find a medical supply store. 

A little worked up ... all for nuthin.

Saw my primary care physician last week.  Don't think I mentioned that I've had a new guy since the summer.  He's good -- seems to know what's going on, makes me feel like we're a team in coming up with my health care plans, and exercises discretion in what tests we run.  Doesn't overdo it.   I like him.

Anyways, I paid him a visit to check out something that'd been bothering me the past few weeks.  It was a pain in my throat.   I thought it just a sore throat but it wasn't going away over a few weeks, so I figured I'd get it checked out.  He took a look at it, and said it felt like one side of my thyroid was swollen up.  Got a little concerned when he said thyroid, but left the office in a good mood 'cause we had a plan.  Get an ultrasound.

But, later at work (which I'm STILL enjoying). I thought about it some more.  I googled "thyroid symptoms" and my web searches quickly spiraled out of control from there.  It didn't take long before I was googled "thyroid cancer" and came across a white paper about a case study where some patient had stage iv rectal cancer mets to the thyroid.  I just stopped right there.  I know better than to google health symptoms, especially when I think every little soreness, ache or pain could be the C coming back.

 

Anyways, had the ultrasound this morning, and got the word from my doctor's office that it's all clear.  Whatever it is, it's not the thyroid.  Gonna chat with my doctor in a few days to figure it out, but whatever it is, looks like it's pretty minor. 

So, I carry on.

WOCN Conference

Took some time out of my day to man a table at the WOCN regional conference here in Portland.  WOCN stands for Wound Ostomy Care Nurse.  I was looking for ways to promote the Colondar, and my two rockin'WOCN's, Natalie and Hillary, recommended that I contact these guys. 

I figured if there was ever a crowd of people who would "get" the Colondar, it'd be this bunch. 

It was fun.  I sold a few Colondars and talked about it to lots of people.  I didn't sell a bunch, but that's OK.  I just wanted to get the Colondar out there in front of people who hadn't heard of it, and get the message out.  People who hadn't heard of it just loved it, and just the whole look of the thing drew people in.  People commented on how young and healthy everyone looked, and that's exactly the whole point.  Cancer is like the honey badger.  It don't give a shit who old you are or whatever.

I got a few things out of it too.  I met someone who is going to put me in touch with the guy who has an ostomy and has climbed the 7 Summits.  I think his name is Rob Hill.  He's had Crohn's disease since he was pretty young. I definitely want to pick his brain and find out how he climbs with a stoma.  He not only has a big honkin' climbign pack waistband to deal with, but there's a climbing harness to deal with too.  Much trickier than what I have to deal with when I'm merely backpacking.

So, there you go.  Spreading the word.  Gettin' the message out. One person at a time.